Sparkly!

Well 2011 hasn’t been my year. At all. At every step there have been failures, disappointments and failed relationships. I’ve always been someone who hasn’t given up on what or whom I truly love, trust or believe in. Having said that, this year has been tiring, gnawing at my patience, bit by bit. And just when I was about to give up, I realized that everything happens for a reason. A reason that you may not understand at first, but in the larger scheme of things seems insignificant.

Ten months into the year, and things are finally looking up for me. When the people closest to you shatter your trust to dust, there’s nothing you can do but reminisce about the times when things where better. Well this obviously is not taking into account the days when you feel nothing is ever going to improve ( much like in a soppy movie), well I have to say, a part of me will always be terribly filmy. On a more serious note, I tried; I gave it all I had till I realized that I was talking to a deaf person.  Or that is what I thought when I realized my patience and trust has been battered to bits.

And then came into sight the silver lining that had hitherto been MIA, when I realized that when you love someone, you come around to finding a way. Forgiveness is the toughest thing to go through with, but sometimes it’s the only way out. Compromises are a part of life and the glue that holds the picture in place. Second chances aren’t granted without hesitation, and bad experiences will always linger in your mind, but all you can hope for is for newer, happier memories to push them out, wishing them to fade with time. And when you love someone so dearly, it’s worth the effort. It’s worth the effort to clear out the rubble and lay those blocks again, piece by piece. Because sometimes, loving someone means never giving up.

There are times when the world around seems to be joining forces only to make sure you stumble and fall at every step. Well today, I can safely say that I’m in my happy place, in a sheltered bubble, where I know everything will magically fall into place. I’ve always tried to be responsible for my own happiness or sorrow, but I have to admit, when someone takes that extra effort to make sure there’s a stupid smile plastered to your face, well I’m just glad- to say the least. I’ve never been a girly-girl but then again who am I to come in the way of a fairytale ending. So I’ll smile and try to live in the moment, enjoying every second of the love and attention that’s coming my way, knowing that I’m being blind if I think nothing’s ever going to go wrong, but let’s just say that, for the time being, I’m going to push those thoughts aside, ask the pragmatic me to shut up, and live the good times. Amen.

A Beginning of Sorts

With a new year at college, came a new phase of life- moving in to an apartment. I was done with my miniscule slice of a room that I’d been living in for a year and after much contemplation was going to live alone, for the very first time.

Although leaving the cushy comforts of home really did make me want to never go back, there was a certain comfort I found as soon as I walked in, through the door.

The space had just the bare essentials, but the excitement and the thrill of being alone made it just perfect. Over the days, (thankfully!) things fell into place, bit by bit and an empty flat turned slowly started resembling home. As it turns out, it’s not all that easy to transform a flat into a home. Wake Up Sid makes it sounds like a cakewalk, a glossed over version of what reality looks like. In reality, it’s more about cutting corners, being street smart, haggling with prospective maids, finding economical yet pretty looking solutions, getting down to unpacking cartons so they could finally stop serving the purpose of a makeshift table, nightstand,etc- Basically taking a lot more responsibility than you had signed up for.

It’s similar to the notions I had before I came to college. I thought I’d have fun, explore the city and I am ashamed to say, was mildly influenced by the image of ‘college life’ created by various media, primarily, Books and Bollywood. Little did I know that soon, the ‘life’ part of it would slowly be wiped out leaving behind killer attendance requirements and copious quantities of assignments. And that is how realization dawned that setting up a house was more hard work than anything else. Courtesy the five star demands of almost all the maids we encountered coupled with their short attention span and lack of will to deliver their money’s worth, there was more hands-on work to do than I had expected.

Even though it’s a huge hassle to run around trying to fit in everything just the way you had imagined it, a couple of compromises and several hours of bickering later, it’s all done! The satisfaction that sets in thereafter, is another feeling all together. For me, it meant having relished that sense of independence I had been vying for a long time. It meant not bothering about where to keep that extra bag, cause there’s space everywhere. It meant being able to eat whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like, thanks to the full fledged kitchen.  But most of all, it meant, taking a small teeny-tiny step towards that perfect life, I’d always dreamt of... 

The Modern Woman, and All That Jazz

The minute they see a girl with excessively kajal lined eyes with a love for any kind of jewelry that’s tarnished silver who will not step out of her cotton kurtas, they’re quick to stereotype her as a pseudo, generally followed by, “the FabIndia Type”  (a term coined by a friend of mine whom I don’t talk to now, for obvious reasons)for those of you who are wondering where I’m going with this.

For the lesser initiated, the FabIndia girl is also believed to be as a pseudo-intellectual, a definite smoker and is a hardcore feminist. Although I do tend to agree that I’m one of them, partially if not entirely, but there’s a lot more to a girl than what she chooses to wear and how she chooses to think. To any girl for that matter.

So yes, she may have an undying love for some things offbeat, but no one would raise a question if she giggled along, wearing pink in all its glory. It is really unfair how we brand people and don’t bother cracking past the brittle exterior.

So what if she likes to drink once in a while. Is it really worth talking about? So what if most of her friends are guys- how difficult is it to just see it for what it is- just a platonic friendship? Instead, people raise eyebrows, give that unmistakably judgmental look, essentially painting a picture of an immature society and rightly so.  At the risk of sounding like a feminist, how difficult is it to break out of those set mindsets and realize that these women are no different from any other. They are proud of the choices they make and stand by their decisions. Instead of focusing on the entire hoopla that surrounds the so called ‘questionable character’ of these women, let’s give them some credit for finding a foothold in what is still largely and sadly a male dominated world. And while we’re at it, also applaud those men, who frankly are mature enough and have the balls to accept it. 

And then there are those who think it’s all a façade, a false pretence to prove their worth.

What beats me is, how difficult is it, really, to accept these women as just ordinary women with a strong sense of who they are? Instead of recognizing their worth, the society largely is quick to run them down as wannabes, overtly ambitious, frankly it’s beyond repulsive. Maybe I’m beginning to sound like the chorus of a song, but it’s probably because half the world has forgotten that we’re still women at the end of the day. Smoking a cigarette does take off the edge momentarily, but heartbreaks are still as painful they used to be, financial independence is great, but what’s greater is having your work recognized, for   and ambition definitely flows alongside, much like the alcohol on those occasional crazy nights, where all one wants to do is let their hair down and have some genuine, unadulterated  fun!  And much like any other person, we do make mistakes. Many of us would like to settle down someday and many of us wouldn’t, so instead of judging them, accept them as strong independent women with their intensely independent lifestyles.

And although they may throw caution to the wind, they’re fiercely protective of the world they’ve built for themselves, and rightly so, for decisions don’t come easy and an uphill climb is never a breezy walk.